By: Isabelle Gard
I hadn’t felt so crappy since sixth grade.
During my first year of middle school, I faced the loss of my grandfather, who was my father figure. My biological father came back into my life, I broke off toxic childhood friendships, and I struggled with compulsive heterosexuality. I was stressed about grades and extracurricular activities. I remember having panic attacks in the cafeteria, classrooms, at home, and during sports games.
Overall, sixth grade sucked. I had to learn to cope with both the situations that I could grab control of myself and the things that were out of my hands.
I learned to be more honest and communicative about what I am feeling and going through. I also began journaling and making notes on my phone whenever I felt frustrated or lonely, just so that I could release everything that I was feeling. I found that going on walks helps me calm down, too.
The things I learned during middle school turned out to be more useful than I expected because there are a whole lot of problems in the world that I cannot control.
For example, the coronavirus pandemic.
COVID-19 began to spread during the fourth quarter of my sophomore year. I had already been stressed with school and homework, and I was so focused on my education that I did not even realize the severity of the situation until my school told us to stay at home.
Just before the pandemic hit, I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. The diagnosis would help me not to feel victimized or helpless but instead allow me to understand myself better, especially as my mental health became a growing concern.
Taking my classes online, being unable to leave the house, and trying to balance academics with my homelife worsened my mental health. I have a three-year-old sister who usually cheers me up, but being at home with her while I was trying to study or clean made tasks more difficult to accomplish.
Lockdown lasted throughout the summer and the first semester of my junior year. I had taken online classes before, but my previous experiences were nothing like our new system; logging into virtual conferences for several hours of the day and being unable to talk to people one-on-one was not working for me.
It sucked.
My stress levels increased while my grades decreased. I lacked the motivation to even go to class. Knowing that I have anxiety and depression at least provided me with the reassurance that my tiredness and lack of motivation were not acts of laziness. Everyone around me seemed to think differently, which often caused me to doubt myself.
Eventually, my school adopted a hybrid learning system. I attended school physically for two days out of the week and attended virtually on the other two. Fridays were “asynchronous,” meaning that nobody had to go to class on those days, but we still had assignments to complete and tests to take.
School was confusing.
Even so, I was relieved to be back at school because I was able to start focusing on the assignments and tasks I needed to get done. My grades gradually improved and I managed to pass my first semester. I still felt overwhelmed through my second semester, and often wanted to quit.
Meeting with my school counselor whenever I felt stuck, overwhelmed, or at my wit’s end allowed me to reshape my mindset and continue working on what I needed to do.
I started not only making up assignments and trying to keep up with new ones, but I reminded myself to take advantage of the time I had at home. I spent more time with my baby sister, started applying for scholarships, and have even been able to participate in the University of Arizona’s Journalism Diversity Workshop.
Survival was my priority. Sometimes I felt as if I was suffocating from the weight on my shoulders and in my heart. I started going for walks again and trying to take things one day at a time whenever I needed to calm down again and to prevent myself from becoming so overwhelmed.
Whenever I felt like I could breathe and I was not focused solely on surviving, I had a second goal in mind. I was striving towards turning adversity into better opportunities for myself. I turned the lessons I learned into scholarship essays and chances to empathize with other people.
The pandemic was not an enjoyable time. Like many students and people all over the world, I felt overwhelmed and lost.
But now, as we are moving out of quarantine and into a new phase of coping, I am taking every chance that I can to reflect and grow from my experiences.
During my first year of middle school, I faced the loss of my grandfather, who was my father figure. My biological father came back into my life, I broke off toxic childhood friendships, and I struggled with compulsive heterosexuality. I was stressed about grades and extracurricular activities. I remember having panic attacks in the cafeteria, classrooms, at home, and during sports games.
Overall, sixth grade sucked. I had to learn to cope with both the situations that I could grab control of myself and the things that were out of my hands.
I learned to be more honest and communicative about what I am feeling and going through. I also began journaling and making notes on my phone whenever I felt frustrated or lonely, just so that I could release everything that I was feeling. I found that going on walks helps me calm down, too.
The things I learned during middle school turned out to be more useful than I expected because there are a whole lot of problems in the world that I cannot control.
For example, the coronavirus pandemic.
COVID-19 began to spread during the fourth quarter of my sophomore year. I had already been stressed with school and homework, and I was so focused on my education that I did not even realize the severity of the situation until my school told us to stay at home.
Just before the pandemic hit, I had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. The diagnosis would help me not to feel victimized or helpless but instead allow me to understand myself better, especially as my mental health became a growing concern.
Taking my classes online, being unable to leave the house, and trying to balance academics with my homelife worsened my mental health. I have a three-year-old sister who usually cheers me up, but being at home with her while I was trying to study or clean made tasks more difficult to accomplish.
Lockdown lasted throughout the summer and the first semester of my junior year. I had taken online classes before, but my previous experiences were nothing like our new system; logging into virtual conferences for several hours of the day and being unable to talk to people one-on-one was not working for me.
It sucked.
My stress levels increased while my grades decreased. I lacked the motivation to even go to class. Knowing that I have anxiety and depression at least provided me with the reassurance that my tiredness and lack of motivation were not acts of laziness. Everyone around me seemed to think differently, which often caused me to doubt myself.
Eventually, my school adopted a hybrid learning system. I attended school physically for two days out of the week and attended virtually on the other two. Fridays were “asynchronous,” meaning that nobody had to go to class on those days, but we still had assignments to complete and tests to take.
School was confusing.
Even so, I was relieved to be back at school because I was able to start focusing on the assignments and tasks I needed to get done. My grades gradually improved and I managed to pass my first semester. I still felt overwhelmed through my second semester, and often wanted to quit.
Meeting with my school counselor whenever I felt stuck, overwhelmed, or at my wit’s end allowed me to reshape my mindset and continue working on what I needed to do.
I started not only making up assignments and trying to keep up with new ones, but I reminded myself to take advantage of the time I had at home. I spent more time with my baby sister, started applying for scholarships, and have even been able to participate in the University of Arizona’s Journalism Diversity Workshop.
Survival was my priority. Sometimes I felt as if I was suffocating from the weight on my shoulders and in my heart. I started going for walks again and trying to take things one day at a time whenever I needed to calm down again and to prevent myself from becoming so overwhelmed.
Whenever I felt like I could breathe and I was not focused solely on surviving, I had a second goal in mind. I was striving towards turning adversity into better opportunities for myself. I turned the lessons I learned into scholarship essays and chances to empathize with other people.
The pandemic was not an enjoyable time. Like many students and people all over the world, I felt overwhelmed and lost.
But now, as we are moving out of quarantine and into a new phase of coping, I am taking every chance that I can to reflect and grow from my experiences.